First World Problems and the Golden Arches
Hi, McDonald’s. We need to talk.
Occasionally, I like a breakfast sandwich or French fries like the next person. After all, I’m an American who appreciates convenience and food items that slide down my gullet without chewing.
I also like the deals you previously provided with your mobile app. Notice I used the past tense verb and adverb. I could get a $1 Egg McMuffin or an inexpensive combo meal with a swing through the drive-thru. Quick, simple, cheap, artery-filling.
Now you’ve mucked things up, you fast-food fatherless child.
Recently, I wanted a breakfast sandwich. So, I pulled up the app’s trusty $1 offer. I tried to tap the option to use the in-restaurant offer, but I noticed it was missing. The only way I could purchase it was through a mobile order.
A few days later, I craved a $5 double cheeseburger meal. So I pulled up the app, selected the option, and … mobile order.
I’m not sure if you understand the concept of fast food, although you’ve been in the business for almost seven decades. It’s about convenience. Think of your original stands. Customers received a burger, fries, and soda within 30 seconds.
In 1975, you redefined convenience by opening a drive-thru at one of your restaurants. Customers no longer needed to get out of their cars. Instead, they could place their order while polluting the atmosphere with their idling vehicles.
Now, you’ve redefined convenience for your convenience. You decided to transfer your most popular app deals to mobile orders. How is this simple?
First, you have to select a payment option. Many people don’t want to add their financial information to apps. They’re scared that some dork living in their parent’s basement will steal it and use their funds to buy more Dungeons & Dragons figures.
Next, they have to place the order ahead of time. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want. The desire for comfort food emerges as they spot the golden arches. Plus, thinking ahead doesn’t work when someone comes off a bender. They can barely decide, let alone put the food in their mouth.
Two forms of convenience are removed right there.
Then there’s the matter of pickup. You must find a parking space, enter the restaurant during the hottest hot and coldest cold, and find your mobile order. Yes, you can probably retrieve it from the drive-thru, but then you need to locate your order number on the app. Plus, the whole bender/lack of cognitive thought thing.
McDonald’s, you’re punishing returning customers who frequently use the most popular app deals. Ahh, Capitalism.
I bet Ronald McDonald is rolling around in his grave. The Hamburglar has probably turned himself in and wants nothing to do with you anymore.
Move those items back into the regular menu of app deals so we can occasionally treat our kids to a French fry. If not, we’ll get Officer Big Mac on the case.
